Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Today is my birthday

And I have lived a half century of life. And I do not know what to think about that.

I am looking back and wondering, "just what is it that I have done?"
And I am looking forward to my future and wondering, "I wonder if I can do more?"

I never worried about turning 40.
To me that was nothing but an annoying pimple.
Turning 50 is much bigger.
It's a half century.
In a different time, this would have been a huge milestone.
I would have been a grandmother, if I had survived.

Times are different.
I measure my life and wonder if I have lived it well enough to deserve another 50.
Or maybe another 40 or 30. Or even just another 20 or 10.

I have to think about what this means to mean, this occasion.
I know it means so much but the thoughts swirl in my mind without words to describe them.

I am a half century old.
What have I done?


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