Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Time to start over again

Blogging. Need to start back up. Writing has always been a form of therapy for me. I did it when I was younger. I made up stories and turned my miserable life into fairy tales. And in 9th grade, the fruit of my pain and depression actually won an award. Go figure.

Working out. Been a while. About three weeks. The PF is still hovering around the edges so I am extra vigilant. And it's too cold for me to get back to biking outdoors. It's too bad because I was just getting started when I left for India. And Jenn and Andy are still living with us so the exercise room will be off limits for another month I think. There are always a lot of excuses to be found. Tonight I have Scary Trainer so that will give me a good jump start.

Eating less. This is the second time I've gone to India and come back 2 pounds less than when I left. Last time, instead of keeping it off, I gained it back and added another five pounds.

Renewal. The longest journey is the journey inward. I'm starting my search for inward renewal. Having JJ here has open up old wounds which I have buried inside the angry walls of my subconscious. Instead of turning my back on those walls and denying their existence, it's time to face them, and take them down brick by brick. Find out what fuels my anger before it destroys everything I have.

And so, it is time to make amends, repent for my sins, ask forgiveness from those I love and treasure the most and who I have hurt the most.

It is a new beginning.
But I hope it's not too late. This is my biggest fear of all. What shreds and vestiges of hope I can find, I will cling to.

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