Fridays with Kristin
Today I had my weekly chat with Kristin. We talked about a bunchastuff but I told her about the bugs.
She asked me when I had this dream and when I said "on Monday, she asked if I had dreamt of things in the future before. I found that an odd question. But I said, "yes." And the I told her that I hate dreams.
She said that perhaps I am dreaming of things that have always been with me from my past, and I have carried them through life, and that they are just showing up during times of trauma, when we are at our most defenseless. And so we talked about it. And that it might not be something I was doing TO someone but since I was the one hurting, that maybe it was something that had happened to me. Perhaps my parents' marriage drained the heart and soul from me. I had never thought of it that way.
She said that I need to give myself permission and tell myself that I am worthy. Not just derive it from what anyone else tells me. But time to try and tell myself that I am lovable and good and kind and that it's okay to be fearful. And to give myself affirmations of loving kindness that tell me that I am ok. That I am worthy of loving kindness every single day.