Thursday, November 04, 2010

My First Motherly Moment

Last Saturday, we ran a 5k Race. Joseph's mom and dad were visiting so we made it a family affair. We met some of the Tri-deads and BAA folks who Joseph ran with. My plan was to run with JJ.

We started out at the back of pack and it was clear in the first .25 mile that running together would be a mistake. I was clearly holding JJ back. He would run ahead a little bit ahead of me, look back, stop and wait for me.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't hold him back.
So I caught up with him and I said, "JJ, you run. Run ahead without Mama."
And helooked at me a little worried and said, "you?"
And I said, "you go run as fast you want to. Just stay with all of the running people. And I will see you when I get to the finish line."
He seemed a little worried but I said,"you can do this. Mama would be so proud."

And so he ran. I watched his form ahead of me. So free and so beautiful. And so soon out of sight. And I cried a small tear thinking about it.

My first motherly act.
Amazing.
Letting him go and watching him run ahead.
While worrying about him.
This came out of the blue.
And I thought of the future when I would have to release him to High School, to driving, first dance, first drink, to college, to his bride, and God willing that I should be alive, to his first child. I thought of all the firsts to come and felt a lump in my throat.

At the end, JJ won the 19yrs and under age group award for First Place.

I was so proud.

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